Madder and badder than the 15th

Sunday, 15 May 2005

Well that should fix the problem!

Tony Abbott says the Government has doubled spending on Indigenous health since 1996. (File photo)

Eat right and exercise, Abbott tells Indigenous people
Federal Health Minister Tony Abbott has advised Indigenous people to "eat better and exercise more" to improve their health.

Speaking about the $170 million in new Indigenous health spending in this week's Budget, Mr Abbott said the key to Aboriginal health was the same as for non-Indigenous Australians.

He says the new funding doubles spending on Indigenous health since 1996.

"It doesn't matter who you are and where you're living, you can always make the conscious decision to eat better and exercise more," Mr Abbott said.

Mr Abbott says there are signs the Government's commitment is starting to work, with deaths from trauma injuries and communicable diseases down in the Northern Territory.

But Aboriginal community development worker Richard Trudgen says it is hard for Aboriginal people to make smart health decisions when they are struggling with unemployment and entrenched social problems, and when they do not understand basic health principles.

"If you've got no purpose to live, you've got nothing to get out there and go for," Mr Trudgen said.

He says Mr Abbott's comments show he does not understand the reality of life in Aboriginal communities.

"From him sitting in his position in Canberra that's probably what most of his advisers would even be saying to him because they know little better," he said.

"It's not just Government ministers at the top, it's those who're even in Aboriginal organisations and Aboriginal health organisations who don't really know the true picture right on the ground."

He says some communities in Arnhem Land are giving canned fizzy drinks to children as baby food because they believe it's "superfood for white fellas".

Mr Trudgen says solutions need to target those kinds of knowledge gaps.

Sunday, 1 May 2005

Pope George (Ringo)

Cardinals Use Electronic Voting Machines to Elect New Pope

George W. Bush Elected Pope ... Cardinals Stunned!
Reported by Monsignor Guido Sarducci

The almost 120 Cardinals from around the world that gathered to choose a successor in the Vatican's Sistine Chapel were stunned and expressed amazement.

Cardinal Mohoney the Vatican spokesperson had this to say...

"We in the conclave are all shocked. We cast our vote's using these new electronic voting machines. The results overwhelmingly favored George W. Bush over all the Catholic candidates. The last Pope, John Paul, was a superb linguist, fluently speaking 11 languages, this one can't speak
fluently in one language. We just don't know what to say."

The White House has announced that Dick Cheney will assume command as President of the world tomorrow morning, when "W' travels to Rome to begin his duties as Pope.

George W. Bush had this to say moments ago as he spoke from the Rose Garden:

"I am honoured to be the spiritual lighthouse, and the first War Pope. I promise Evangelical Catho-licks and Prostates alike that I will be embodied in salvation and fair in the performance of my duties.

I am a Unitifier, not a Divide-a-cater. I am obliged to try to save as many lost souls as I can, at least the Devout Wealthy Elite Souls, as it is well known that Heaven is a very select place, indeed, it is more exclusive than even the best of country clubs. It is a members only Heaven. I may have to put a fence around it.

I will perform miracles in a fair and balanced manner. Just as God used to wipe out entire races of people without warning, burning whole towns of perverts, killing off entire nations, and drowning everybody without a ticket to board Noah's Ark, I shall deliver the world from Evil Empires as I unleash the Apocalypse Wrath of Revelations.

I will ensure the Rapture and the Reunion with our beloved deceased family members and with our departed purebred pets. I will not allow those awful Liberal Sissy Homosapiens to marry each other and I will put and end to the Clergy marrying Choirboys.

I will lead the Crusades against all them towel-headed
heathens-possessed voodoo-hoodoo barbarians who's Pseudo-religions that don't accept the Lord as the Light of Democracy, and who worship fake, made-up gods.

They shall suffer my Godly Conservative Wrath and I will Destroy them with my Cherubic Armies of Angels and they shall burn for eternity in Hell, because Me and God don't take no prisoners!"

(Author Unknown)