Stolen from others

This post is very Derivisivicist(sp?),
Happy Birthday Foilest,
You, Sarah and Mrs Benedict are all Tauri - I think it says something, but not sure what.

Benedict

Zen Guide to Life by Maharishi Fattifatbastard

∆ Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either, just fuck off and leave me alone.
∆ The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.
∆ The darkest hours come just before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's milk and newspaper, that's the time to do it.
∆ Sex is like air. It only becomes really important when you aren't getting any.
∆ Don't aspire to become irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
∆ Remember, no one is listening until you fart.
∆ Never forget that you are unique, like everyone else.
∆ Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
∆ If you think nobody cares whether you're dead or alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments
∆ Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you judge them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
∆ If at first you don't succeed, so much for skydiving.
∆ Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
∆ Have you ever lent someone $20 and never seen that person again? It was probably worth it.
∆ If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
∆ Some days we are the flies; some days we are the windscreen.
∆ Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
∆ Good judgment comes from experience; experience comes from bad judgment.
∆ The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
∆ A closed mouth gathers no feet.
∆ There are two theories about how to win an argument with a woman. Neither one works.
∆ Generally speaking, you aren't learning much if your lips are moving.
∆ Never miss a good chance to shut up.
∆ Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
∆ When we are born we are naked, wet, hungry, and we get smacked on our arse. From there on in, life gets worse
∆ The most wasted day of all is one in which we have not laughed.

Remember not to forget that which you do not need to know.